قصه ی سادگی گم شده مون...
نسیم تازه بر فراز کوهستان هنوز می وزد 
نويسندگان
پيوندهای روزانه

I think there's a hole in my heart: the hope vacancy

 a vast and agonizing vacancy that I can't fill it any more

[ ۱۳٩۳/۱۱/۱۸ ] [ ٦:٥۱ ‎ب.ظ ] [ عطیه ] [ نظرات () ]

راضی ام از خودم.

چون هفته ی پیش وایسادم بین دو نفر و نذاشتم فاجعه ی پارسال تکرار بشه. حالا حتی اگه مجبور باشم قیمت سنگینی ام براش بپردازم.

چون دیروز وایسادم جلوی خودم و بر خلاف سال های پیش نذاشتم اون حرفایی که تو دلم بودو به کسی بزنم. حالا حتی اگه مجبور باشم ماه ها و سال ها ام نقش بازی کنم.

چون دارم کم کم یاد می گیرم سپر باشم.کم کم یاد می گیرم از اطرافیانم در مقابل خیلی چیزا و از همه مهم تر در مقابل خودم محافظت کنم.

[ ۱۳٩۳/۱۱/۱٧ ] [ ۳:٢٢ ‎ب.ظ ] [ عطیه ] [ نظرات () ]

I'm just very excited! very excited! I'm going to the battle next week...and I will fight! it's a real combat... I...I may be defeated...may be killed... faild... frustrated... but now I don't want to think about failure at all! it's a seriously dangerous battle but I want to think that I'm insuperable. I was getting ready for this battle from some months ago. I did somethings that I had never done before, so I achieved somethings I didn't have before. this months were unbelievably hard and unbelievably graceful! it was graceful and great becouse I could be home after all that hard years of not being home! my english is not good so I can't explain it in a comprehandable way...actually being home and being near parents is something to feel, not something to read! and it was hard becouse our home is a nice island in a dirty city. I had nowhere to go. no friends. no relatives. no sisters. and even I couldn't use my usual hobbies and distractions becouse I had to study. so I had many boring days that I could do nothing before I learn to handle this situation. I'm addicted to travelling so I tried to travel every two or three weeks like the past. I needed that short trips becouse I need to see my friends and my relatives and I need to walk in the streets of my city and watching it's beauties. that short trips took my time and my corporal energy so much but gave me spiritual energy for keep on studing. let's talk about studing. I can't say that I had never experienced it before but I can say that my expriences in this case was too little. it was something new and I liked it! it was so intresting to learn and to solve! of course I had bad days that I couldn't solve any problem and I thought I can learn nothing. I thought all of my efforts are ineffective and I will fail undoubtedly. in the invasion of desperation just one thing was effective and saved me from destroying: trusting in God. in past months I had experienced weakening strong volitions, resolving of difficulties and breaking up decisions in little but so many situations. and I think they were for reminding me that I should trust just in God. just God. and  trusting in God calmed me down  immediately. so I'm not stressed now. I'm just very excited! it's a critical point in my life. very critical! I studied as much as I could and now I need your prayers becouse my brain and my knowledge is completly unreliable. actually every thing is unreliable except God.

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ps1: please listen to the soundtrack that is playing. I writed this text when I was listening to it. its name is New Beginnings. and I think if I win in the next week's battle I will have good new beginnings.

ps2: don't forget to pray for me!

[ ۱۳٩۳/۱۱/٧ ] [ ٢:۳٥ ‎ق.ظ ] [ عطیه ] [ نظرات () ]

هیچ وقت به کسی که به خاطر بی شعور بودنش از زندگیتون بیرونش کردین، فرصت دوباره برای برگشتن یا حتی پلکیدن اطراف زندگیتون ندین.

چون متاسفانه یه بی شعور همیشه بی شعور باقی مونه.

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این کلمه ی بی شعور اینجا اصلا فحش نیست البته. اگه بشناسیدم می دونین که مودب تر ازین حرفام. منظورم معنی واقعی کلمه س. یعنی موجودی فاقد درک و شعور و عقل و فهم و...هرچی

[ ۱۳٩۳/۱۱/٦ ] [ ۱۱:٠٤ ‎ب.ظ ] [ عطیه ] [ نظرات () ]
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